So I may be doing something…..Something life changing….Not so much for me but for someone else….Actually I take that back it will be life changing for me as well, because I’ll be donating my sperm to a very close friend that is in a situation where her partner isn’t capable of producing any of his own……They brought up that they were considering artificial insemination but that the fertility clinic was incredibly expensive…..and I actually brought up how there was a couple that I knew a while back that asked me to donate to them and they were going to do it themselves, they read about it online and figured that if it’s that simple then anyone could do it. Telling my friends about this couple that I knew how have them the idea to look into it and they researched it for a while and they decided that if I am willing then they want me to donate and help them conceive…..So I know that seeing this child grow up may very well destroy me, but it would make them so incredibly happy, I think I’m going to do it……God I pray that this ends well for everyone…..I’d be lying if I said that the thought of having a child but not really having a child didn’t make me want to cry, because it really fucking does, but this is what being a true friend and a truly good humans is about, sacrificing your own happiness for another’s….
Nervana, Kurt Cobain actually, is the biggest reason why the outsiders are beginning to be accepted! If it weren’t for him showing everyone that no matter how fucked up you are there’s a place if you make it then well put simply we’d all be Killin ourselves and each other off.
Let me make something clear, and I’m saying this on here simply because I can’t tell the person I want to tell this to right now because they’ve got their own issues right now and is being withdrawn, if I have to kill someone to make sure you’re happy and safe then you best believe that I will. I’m not threatening, I’m not speaking idly, I am speaking one hundred percent truth, if you hurt one of my friends I will kill you! And if you think that I can’t because I’ll go to jail or that someone will avenge you, rest assured I will not be caught and anyone who attempts to avenge you will meet the same fate. No one will find you, no one will find me, you won’t beat me, and no one will. You’ve no idea what I am capable of, and you cannot protect yourself if you don’t know or understand what’s coming.
-start lifting weights again
-Get to where I can lift minimum 150
-Join martial arts dojo
-Enlist in tough man competition
-design and make custom kopesh style sword
-Master kopesh
-try and find happiness
So I’m slowly starting to understand more about what it is exactly I believe, I mean I’ve always known but it’s starting to become clearer if that makes any sense……I don’t know how to describe it but it’s just like the more time that passes and the more I listen and feel and communicate the more I start to hear and feel back from whatever it is I’m talking to. I don’t have a name for it, I don’t think he’s just my god either, I don’t think he’s the Christian god, or the god of Islam, or Vishnu, or Zeus, or Odin, or any one of the other gods, I honestly think that who I believe in is all of these and yet none at the same time. I know it didn’t exist before the universe, I think it is the universe like some sort of interstellar consciousness, the only way I know to explain it coherently is that the universe is akin to a brain, ya know? The galaxies and nebulas are kind of like neurons or synapses, and the energy they emit is similar to pulses between our own synapses and everything. And I honestly am starting to believe that every now and then this consciousness somehow communicates to us and directs us in one way or another, I’m not sure why but I believe it does. And I think that when we die, the energy that our body runs on is somehow emitted and either becomes part of this collective consciousness to be later recycled into another being, whether it’s a dog, or a worm, human, venutian, or hell even a cosmos of its own, or maybe in some cases it’s just left in the body to dwell in a void of nothingness kinda like hell. But yeah slowly I’m starting to understand what it is I believe, I don’t know if anyone else believes the same or if anyone ever has but I just feel that in my heart or my genetic make up or my soul whatever it is I feel that this is right, and I think that’s what we’re supposed to do right? Believe that what we believe is the truth and that’s what we strive to achieve right?
This is a mash up of all the malarkey I find interesting......enjoy my mind!!!